Spring Trends ~ Must-Have Fashions!

I'm not one to scope out the new season's trends, by any means. But this morning, on a whim, I actually clicked on the MSN's What To Wear This Spring link. Surely I couldn't have been that bored! At first I sat there rolling my eyes at each picture, thinking "yeah, right!" and "why haven't I clicked off this page yet?"

Then as I looked at the other people in the background it hit me. They're mocking us! They're sporting the most hideous combination of clothing and accessories to watch America run out and spend big bucks. Then they're going to sit back and laugh their heads off at how silly we look.

I always wonder if anyone ever stands back to look at those models and says, "Really? That? You've lost your mind! Whatever that designer was drinking, I'll have two."

So in honor of the new spring fashions I'd like to pay tribute to these new trends and the people who love them.

Above we have the pastels. Pastels are fun. But I would like to point out the shoes. For this spring, you must run out and find the bulkiest shoes you can find, especially if they look like casts on your feet with, of course, an air hole for the toes. We wouldn't want you to have sweaty feet. But make sure the heels are longer than your foot, like the girl on the left wearing all black.

Notice, however, the girl in black is scowling at the model in front. She was picked up for soliciting the night before and got out of jail just in time for the main event. The girl in front was the one who tipped the police off so that she could have the runway all to herself. Thought you'd like a little backstage gossip!

Moving along...

This one is the "biblike necklace."

I'll pause so that can sink in.

Biblike necklace. *sigh* Anyway, I'd like to share some tips for creating this look for a fraction of the cost. Go outside. Find whatever you can that is big, round-ish and flat (some ideas would be...a rock, a cow patty, some moss from the bottom of the lake), then fashion some rope to it and hang it around your neck. Your friends will be awed and inspired!

I'll have you know that whoever wrote the caption for this picture on the MSN site knew it was ridiculous because the whole description was trying to strongly convince the reader they really did need this. Really.

Now for the dress. Throw that iron and ironing board out of the window (please check to make sure you won't hit anyone, though...we are not liable for any injuries). Dig around in the bottom of your closet and find some clothes that look like you slept in them have that textured look. Voila! Instant success! (If you're in a real bind, simply don the clothes the night before and then actually sleep in them. Saves time!)

This look is called "Can't Touch This." It's so easy to replicate! You remember the 80's, so just dig deep, deep into the bottom of your closet and find those MC Hammer pants, match them with a little slinky tank top from the 70's and you have instant Y2K awesomeness! If you actually threw out those Hammer pants years ago, what were you thinking?! That's ok...just go to the local used clothing store. I'm sure they haven't sold any either.

(What is that guy doing behind her?! I think he's laughing and is about to fall down.)

Now this one. This one! Stripes and polka dots. And look at the guy on the left. Plaids and prints. Never fear when you just flat ran out of creativity. Simply concede to the opposite of common sense and throw together the outfit that clashes the worst. But be sure to color coordinate. We wouldn't want to look ridiculous now, would we?

The model above looks just fabulous. Just find some animal print material and wrap it around you like a towel. If you're feeling especially frisky, simply add a matching animal print turban.

But the main attraction in this photo is the woman on the left. I'm pretty sure she's not one of the models, but her ensemble screams...well, it just screams. Only a fashion genius would think...striped tights, cut-off denim shorts that bag a little in the rear-end, wading boots, a khaki safari shirt, and an over-the-shoulder purse/bag that hangs down to her knees.

Actually, she was mucking out the stalls and realized she was about to miss the big event so she hosed her boots off and ran as fast as should to see all the anorexic ladies.

Now, I didn't post all the pictures on here, but one included the 80's big earrings and another would be inappropriate because apparently it was quite cold in that room. Ahem!

So there you go. I hope you liked the show and are inspired to run screaming from the insanity use creativity in your own wardrobe.

There's some really great music out there that was written (and performed) by people stoned out of their minds. It worked for them. It can work for clothing fashions too!

And for the sake of credit, I did not take these pictures. Obviously. I wouldn't waste the space on my memory disk. I took these from MSN and I'm pretty sure it said they were all taken by some guy named Mark Leibowitz. Poor disillusioned guy.